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I am in the process of working professionally and artistically on the deepest root to why I, in my current life - the present - the NOW, remain addictive in eating disorders. This is very hard to do but has to be done to heal.
The root is gender dsyphoria. As most of you know I was very active and established in the trans community through art and activism. I was loud, proud, outspoken and ready to riot in my own revolution. Then I had a major relapse, almost died and have been at bat to recover since.
Well, I am NOW embarking on this journey to go back to the start: childhood and work on every gender related issue that was either 1. never worked on or 2. hidden/put away and has only come up to haunt me therefore I numb and run through eds/addiction. It's time to fight harder. I have just recently started creating artwork on transgender/intersex issues again as a method of expression and healing.
I would like to share them here.
Comments on because I trust most of you already know me and my story and respect me for who I am. To those who don't: I will not be answering any questions or giving any explainations. Please educate yourself elsewhere. I am not stable to do it and am not willing to risk it either which is why I have been out of the trans community for so long. Harassment won't be tolerated. All ignorant or offensive comments will be deleted.
Gender Of My Own:
*Spoken Words - Writing On The Mirror*
i am not well.
i just threw up.
i ate enough to feed 6, 8, 10, no 12 people.
i am scared.
i live in fear.
i am afraid of becoming something i'm not: a girl.
i am not the kind of boy you think i am.
it's not your business but my body is not male or female.
i starve, binge, puke to keep my body like a childs.
i am a gender of my own.
Song: Cold Play "The Scientist"
- - -
Recipe For Me
copyright
johnny giovanni righini
2009
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Hi Friends.
Major help needed from anyone who has EXPERIENCE with publishers.
I need to write a submission letter and have no clue what to write, how long it should be or where to go with the letter. I want it to look and sound professional and need some pointers on writing professional yet personal and attention grabbing submission letters.
Meryn - I have emailed you but not sure if you still use that email address.
Can anyone please help give me some advice. I have 1 week until submission deadline for my top priority publisher. If anyone has an old copy of a typed letter they sent then I would love to see for referrence on formatting and such.
In my head I am ssuming no more than 1 page with a brief introduction about myself as well as my submission/contents and why I am submitting to the publisher I am addressing the letter to. I feel it's safe to assume they do not like lengthy letters and keeping it to 1 page is best. Spell check is a must! If I had no help this is how I would go about writing my letter but I need help with this so I would really appreciate feedback from experienced writers and artists here.
Thank you so much, so so so much.
Ps. I will not diclose information publically about this project so please refrain from leaving me comments asking about this project. Sorry friends but surprises are better and I like solid set in stone news to announce! Right now I am in a process and quite unsure... ideas! thoughts! options! I will diclose more information after I know what direction my project will be taking.
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Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
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Hi Friends!
Thank you for all the birthday wishes on the sixteenth. I just checked my LJ since 2 days ago and loved all the gratitude for life wishes. Please know that if you left me a message on your journal and I did not respond it's because I did not see it due to not being on LJ for two days. If that's the case, please notify me so I can go look and give your extra gratitude! I would hate to miss something so special. It's been really hard to keep up with LJ because of my YT account which dominates a lot of my online time. However, I've been trying to spend less time online when I'm not doing activism so I can focus on other forms of life, responsibility, interests and recovery.
I've been getting lots of awesome tattoos too! If you are local and need a good artist at a good price, I'll hook you up! Let me know.
Thank you again for the birthday wishes and kind offerings of heart, thought and friendship. Bless you all, xoxo.
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So sorry I don't update here much anymore, eating disorder activism has taken up most of my online time.
Today is special! Today is our three-some Birthdays!!!
Happy and Healthy Birthday to Wyatt Riot, Cowen and Me!!!
Everyday should be a celebration of life but on the 16th of March baby, go all out!!!
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Friday, January 9th, 2009
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Hi Friends!
I am hosting a local meet up on Saturday, January 31st from 12pm till 4pm in the Upper Haight District.
A group of my you tube viewers/friends and I, as well as anyone we wish to bring who we feel can benefit from this, will be meeting up for some chit chat and shopping (thrift, gift, music, tatt/piercing, etc.) on Haight! This is not a sit down support group but an activity style meet up. Most of us are dealing with eating disorders, body image issues, self esteem issues and other related mental health issues. The support is in the power, come one come all!!! If you are local and would like an invitation with more details then please comment below with your email address! Chop chop. We have people coming from ALL angles of the bay area: southbay, eastbay, northbay, peninsula and even beyond these realms. So far I have about 10 people interested. We want more!!!
I would love to see you there. Take a break from isolation, depression, addiction, etc. and come hang out with new and supportive people. We can all connect one way or another... and rest assured that many of us have never met face to face so if you feel you are shy - you are NOT alone! Don't let fear and shyness keep you, come have some fun and meet new friends.
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Thursday, January 1st, 2009
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can someone please help me???
i am getting an error, input signal out of range, when i hooked up my new monitor just now and i cant get the error off the screen. i cant even use the menu options on the monitor due to this feature. it's a brand new monitor... see movie for details. thank you so much, omg i am so aggrivated!
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS MY FRIENDS!!!
Every moment we live to see another we are blessed. We are now granted a new gift, a new year, progression of our futures. For those who come across this post and care to participate:
(IF anyone reads this anymore...I guess I shouldn't expect people to interact quick how they use to if I don't LJ much anymore... I had to pick between text or live and chose live cam and activism rather than daily writing - I have limited time online now and can reach/help more people live on cam but I haven't even been active with that for the last few weeks as I'm working hard and balancing my energy in daily life more now... good for me!)
Wrap your 2008 into 1 word or 1 picture or 1 word and 1 picture if you'd prefer and post it in my comment box! I will make sure to smooch you under the mistletoe if you do ; )
My 2008 pretty wrapped up word with a sparkly bow on top is:
CHANGE
This entire year has been change in positive directions, learning experiences, maturing, healing, responsibilities, moving forward, taking action, etc. Change for all seasons, in different directions - like the wind, forever blowing.
Ps. I left cookies and milk out for Santie tonight and sprinkled sugar in his milk... teehee Oh and I gave his reindeers permission to forage my organic garden, lucky ones!
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Monday, December 8th, 2008
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hi friends.
i have been so busy and productive = less addict space = getting better and healthier a lot faster of a pace.
i got a job.
i am going back to school in january.
i am addicting less, eating better, sleeping better.
i am happier. i am finding inner peace as best as i can.
i am getting tattoos going again, last one was friday : )
electronic nerds: i need your help! i love you. i want one of those things people carry around to listen to music. i own 2 computers, neither are apples. i dont know the difference between ipods or mp3s. i dont need anything fancy. i found this one at walmart. is it any good? it looks fun. i want to be able to listen to music. how do i know how many songs i can store? where will i get my songs? i am very out of the loop. please helps. link:
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10756414
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Thursday, November 27th, 2008
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Okay so this is late but it's still Thanksgiving here... Happy Thanksgiving my friends!
My list of gratitude is from here to the moon.
Breath to breath, life, love, my Mom and dog, my friends, nature's offerings, dreams
and best of all... GOD.
This was my first Thanksgiving alone. I actually did very well! I really enjoyed my night.
I decorated my Mom's X-mas tree, decorated her living room area with Christmas loot,
made raw hemp nog, bought firewood and made a rip roaring fire while I watched the
movie "Stuck" upstairs with Dante, candles and a nice tall glass of my raw hemp nog.
I also had my heating blankie, in pink of course. Holidays are a challenge for people
dealing with eating disorders and food addiction. I seem to be progressing in my
recovery and maturity though and did very well. I have nothing to complain about and
everything to rejoice in.
Here's a video I made for my you tube account, MyOwnStickFigure, earlier. ENJOY!!!
Ps. How did your holiday go? What did you or your family cook? How did you celebrate?
AND WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR??? EVERYDAY IS IT'S OWN THANKSGIVING : )
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Monday, November 17th, 2008
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I am so so so proud of myself. Living is so much better than dying. Earning
success within yourself and life is a beautiful feeling. Things like this show
me how important my existence on this earth is. I hope you all are able to
channel into your own purposes for being alive and keep fulfilling them as
well. Here's a little HIGH ON LIFE video after seeing myself on the cover of a
magazine and opening it to find more then I bargained for!
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Friday, November 14th, 2008
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Hi Friends!
I know a lot of you like when I share my activism here! I haven't been active on updating but I have done 4 public activist/educational projects in the last 2 months. I wanted to share 2 of them here!
Recent Magazine Interview:
http://xpress.sfsu.edu/archives/magazine/011684.html
This magazine IS a print magazine but the link above allows you to view the article online. It will be distributed on the SF State campus as well as at various hot spots in SF = it's going to reach a lot of people.
And for those of you who didn't catch my last post... My friend Karen and I are Team Leaders for the all new:
Recovery Happens Now! You tube's first ever eating disorder collaboration! I host on Fridays, go check out my intro as well as all the other members too! And please spread the word! subscribe! help save lives! When we hit a certain number of subscribers we can get featured which will allow us to reach/help even more people.
http://www.youtube.com/user/recoveryhappensnow
Thank you for everyone who has been here for me and supported my recovery through ups and downs. I know I do not post the way I use to but my position and duties as an activist on top of all the recovery work I engage in really rip my time online and so I am happy when I can come on and give you all LIFE updates and Johnny Juice and share what I'm able to share. And I am grateful for those who take the time still to listen, learn and grow with me. Blessings your way!
Johnny Righini and his Mother Lauren Righini
X Press Magazine - Copyright Hardy Wilson 2008
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Sunday, November 9th, 2008
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Friday, October 31st, 2008
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
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For those of you who care to share, tell me and my friends who read my comment boxes, some of the things that feel GOOD for you right now! I can't respond to all comments but I will read them and others will too. So... Share the energy, spread the love.
- Learning to let go
- Challenging myself and productively handling outcomes, learning from them
- Growing my own food, foraging wild foods (today I woke up early and foraged the forest near me... down to the creek with my bag that you wear on your head to carry things, ethnic and authentic... I scored some BEAUITUFL opuntia *catcus pads*, acorn, persimmion, decorative feathering branch, and pinecone!)
- Sunday morning Farmer's Market trips, free stuff from my tattoo lady friend and going to see my Dad at the cemetery after to bring Him garden offerings, pay respect, help grieve His death...
- Cozy pink sliepper boots, my pink heating blankie, monkeys
- Wold music, crystal singing bowls
- EARTH ENERGY, GOD, HEALING, BECOMING WHOLESOME - reconnecting with myself
- Maca, hemp, dulse, purslane, cacao, thai young coconut water on the rocks, mango, dragonfruit
- Bulk avocados from a local organic farm
- Yard snacking, pottery bowls and chopsticks, sitting in the dirt, barefeet, eating rose petals
- Bonding with my Mom, lots of movies together
- Setting boundaries, assertiveness
- Season changes, new warm clothes, holidays to come soon!
- Knitting, structure, recovery work
- Not wearing underware
- New hair color and cut, confidence
- Gratitude, uttermost gratitude for even what one may consider the smallest things... and sharing gratitude
- Maturity, learning to grow into an adult, taking responsibility
- Dante on my bed
- The fact that I will be chopping wood very soon!!!
This list could go on forever. I am so good in life that even if I wasn't so good in life my current mentality would be good enough to find good in life. There is always good in life. I encourage you to think about what is going good for you right now and pay respect to it. You don't have to post anything here but atleast give yourself the blessing to think about what is good for you right now, what is healthy and keeping you happy and grounded.
Blessings and vine ripe heirloom tomatoes from my garden for you all!
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I miss the LJ community. Where does time go? I have gathered myself so many positions online since I started this LJ that I can't even keep up. I guess I put focus in something and then everything else becomes secondary/etc. because I just don't have the time to conquer it all, at once. I guess this is a public "I miss you LJ!" and as I work harder in recovery I am starting to feel like ME again, ohnny Smooth style is coming back... and for those of you who have followed me for so long you know the kind of odd ball stuff I do, all in seriousness and silliness... riot riding, Captain and sailor, little boy capes, training bras, riots and revolutions... the list continues... so sit back and let em' rip...
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Friday, September 19th, 2008
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Thank you for all the kind words on the loss of our family dog Mandy. We are holding up. My Mom and I are spending quality time together and Dante got to play with her all morning till noon!
I am slowly sipping a sexually stimulating smoothie that I just named "HOLY SHIT!" haha Don't ask. Drink this and be pumped up with more vitamins and minerals than an IV bag can fit. Drink this and embrace the magic of maca... potassium pow wow, sexual stimulant, mental health boost and so on. I have a 1 1/2 hour massage scheduled at 7pm and I am very much looking forward to it. I'm leaving very soon.
Get a blender.
Toss in a handful of spinach, 2 baby bananas, 1 ripe avocado, 1 tablespoon raw maca powder, 1 tablespoon raw honey, handful of ice, filtered drinking water or fresh thai young coconut water and BLEND WELL. You'll either feel sexy or sedative or both or maybe you will be jumping off the walls in joy. Holy Shit! a power smoothie. Make one today. Calorically dense, nutrient dense, wonderful green smoothie... HOLY SHIT!
Tomorrow my Mom is having a big pool/bbq/potluck birthday party. I am going to be making a big batch of raw zucchini pasta which is her favorite. I'm going to kick it up a notch and add raw "meatballs" (nuts, seeds, vegetables, herbs, etc.) to my raw pesto pasta. It's going to be killer. I have done raw catering for an event before and everyone LOVED my raw pasta dish. It got so much good feedback. I can't wait to see how people react to this one. I have never once encountered someone who didn't like my raw creations. I put a lot of love and effort into how they turn out! Gratitude to God, the soil, the sun, water, critters, lifeforce, organic philosophy, creativity, healing and offering, nutrients, nourishment, acceptance, journey, natural, freedom with food, recovery, the list goes on from here to the moon... all in dedication to the world's healthiest, most healing and nutritious way of eating, RAW!
Mmm finishing my last few sips, masticating thick creamy liquid base, tastes and textures, with utter appreciation.
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
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I was all pumped up to update you guys on these 2 new projects I have done for eating disorders but right now it's not important. The last of our family dogs died today and now my Mom has none. It is very sad. Andy and Mandy were our beautiful golden retrievers. I made this short video to notify my friends of Mandy's death and ask for support not just for me but for my Mom as she is really suffering right now and dealing with a lot of guilt about having to have put both of them down. There was nothing left we could do but let their souls go and no longer suffer in flesh. Robby, I would really love your support. You have a way with dogs and words.
My Mom will be watching this post. Thank you for your kind words and gentle support. We are both devestated.
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Saturday, September 6th, 2008
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Thank you to those who took the time to watch the orthorexia document on tv, online and/or read the article:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Stossel/story?id=5735592&page=1
I was wondering who here watched it or read the article? I'm curious. Ps. It's available to view online now. Video Link: http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=5739648
I feel too much of the document was centered on raw food and not enough on the disease itself: an eating
disorder, a psychological disease that manifests the brain and body. Not every orthorexic is a raw foodist
and not every raw foodist is orthorexic. I feel it gave a bad image to the raw food lifestyle which was not
nessacary. The disease does not begin on the PLATE, it begins in the BRAIN. Food is not the whole focus
of the disease, how it came across on the document. Food is included in associated behaviors with this
disease... raw or cooked, doesn't matter. What matters is that eating disorders are a serious illness and
without proper education we can't effectively treat them... like orthorexia nervosa, which I have been
denied treatment in the past for from medical professionals who specialize in eating disorders yet know
little to nothing about orthorexia or how to treat it.
Also, those who support my recovery - I would encourage you to leave feedback on the public forum. I'm sure
most of you are reading the comments and not speaking up. I would graciously appreciate support on my
behalf as I'm sure you are aware I am getting my fair share of negative comments on there which I was pre-
pared for but don't feel I can run a one man show. I mean, if a friend of mine did this I could be at bat for them,
supporting them... but that's just me. Everyone works differently. It would also be nice to see some of your
opinions on the document over on the forum. I have left mine publically, they aren't hard to find - my user name
is my name... I've posted three comments thus far in response to the outcome of the document and Kate's
death from orthorexia. I am refraining from wasting energy responding back to negative comments. I am not
there to play immature or irrational games. I don't expect you to either. I do appreciate all the support you all
have shown thus far and a continuation of support as I fight to recover. I have worked even harder since they
filmed that document in April. It did turn on some lights for me. The air date has got me thinking even harder.
I do hope I can speak up more about this topic and eds in general on a public level. Today I was notified by
The Tyra Banks show who is "impressed" by mean and wants to speak to me... I am going to give them a
call this weekend and inquire more details...
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Friday, September 5th, 2008
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IMPORTANT NOTICE:
ANYONE WANTING TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ORTHOREXIA NERVOSA, AN OBSESSION WITH HEALTHY FOOD AND EATING - TUNE INTO ABC 20/20 TONIGHT @ 10PM
I will be airing in this document as the "person living with orthorexia nervosa". The run time is 13 minutes total. Others will be included in this piece: Steven Bratman, doctors, recovered orthorexics, etc.
For those who can't watch it on Tv - IT WILL BE ON THEIR WEBSITE. Go to www.abc.com and link to the 20/20 news page. I am under the understanding that they will be linking my website to the story as well. Cheers!
To recap: ABC 20/20 interviewed me in my hometown at the end of April 2008. The original air date was set for August 1st, 2008 but it got pushed to the fall. I just got LAST MINUTE notice that it will be airing tonight.
Please notify friends and family. The more education the better. Eating disorders are a serious and life threatening disease. Let's keep the flow of education going so we can better understand and treat eating disorders to those who suffer.
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